One frustration I have with this blog is that most of my posts are all about me. I would like to write about things that aren’t me, but when I ask myself to do that, I draw a blank. I’m not sure if its even possible for me to write anything that isn’t somehow relating back to me personally.

This probably marks me as an extreme narcissist, except I don’t really like myself that much, so I’m not sure. I was accused in college of being really self-centered, and that much I think I can definitely cop to. I don’t have a defense against the notion that I center myself in most of my thoughts. It’s not that I can’t think about or care about others. I think I do, especially when externally prompted. It’s that I have long had rooted deep inside that if I’m not looking out for my own needs, nobody will be. The way I’ve tried to put it, which barely makes sense is: “my own thoughts are very, very loud in my head.” I am my own favorite subject, I guess.

As I barrel towards old age, I want to get outside of my own head. I often say I want a vacation from being me. I don’t want to be self-centered the point of myopia. I don’t really know how to break this habit. It feels way deeper than a habit.

As always, open to suggestions.